Twas the night
before Christmas
Twas the night
before Christmas,
and all through Key
West,
Not a creature was
stirring, not even
the houseguest.
No stockings were
hung by chimneys
this time,
No need for a
chimney in the
Southernmost clime.
Tourist were nestled
all snug in their
beds,
While tunes from the
Conch Train danced
in their heads.
Mama in her Kino's
and I in bare feet,
Settled down with
mojitos for a sweet
Christmas treat.
When out in the
harbor there arose
such a clatter,
I sprang from my
hammock to see what
was the matter!
Out to the porch I
stumbled through
clutter,
Cranked open the
jalousie and threw
up the shutter.
The moon through the
palm trees beamed
galore,
And gave a luster of
midday to the cruise
boats offshore.
When what to my
wondering eyes
should appear,
But a miniature
sleigh with eight
tiny Key deer.
With a little old
driver, so quick to
honk,
I new in a moment it
must be St. Conch.
More rapid than
powerboats, his Key
deer flew,
And he whistled, and
shouted, and called
to them, too.
"Now, Mira! Now
Lewis! Now Bethel
and Curry!
On Wardlow! On
McCoy, On
Spotswood.... HURRY!
From From the end of
North Roosevelt , to
the foot of Duval,
Now, dash away! Dash
away! Dash away
all!"
Like banana leaves
that before the wild
hurricane fly,
When they meet with
a sunset, there up
in the sky.
Up to my widow's
walk the Key deer
they flew,
With a sleigh full
of mangoes, and St.
Conch too.
And then in a
twinkling, I heard
on the roof,
The disco-like beat
of each tiny hoof.
As I drew in my head
and was turning
around,
Down the gumbo
limbo, the ole conch
came with a bound.
Oh his shoulder he
carried an iguana
with warts;
Wore a souvenir
T-shirt and little
red shorts.
He wore flip-flops
and sported a palm
frond chapeau,
Carried a Pina
Colada with an
umbrella to go.
He was puffing away
on a Cuban cigar,
Blowing rings toward
Havana , over the
bar.
Even though his
get-up made me
think, "Yikes!"
His snowy white
beard said
"Hemingway
Look-Alikes".
A bundle of coconuts
he held with great
care,
So he looked like a
vendor from Mallory
Square .
His eyes how they
twinkled!
Revealed he'd been
bar-hopping down on
Duval.
He worked fast and
furious, without a
flub-a,
Leaving little
presents, for each
and every Bubba.
Then laying a finger
aside his sunburned
nose,
Giving a big nod, up
the gumbo limbo he
rose.
He sprang to his
sleigh and his Key
deer they fled
Right up
U.S.1,toward
Homestead .
And I heard him
exclaim as he soared
past Key West Bight,
Merry Christmas to
all, have a happy
Conch night